Into The White Haze

I want to run. 

Run so fast that it exhausts every particle of my existence; my ability to think or remember. Run so far that I lose every nuance of familiarity - no faces known; no voices heard or places heard of. Run away from the minefields of memories that you have laid at every step of every path that you have crossed; from the vapors of moments that froze when you glanced at me; from every topic we ever touched upon; from every touch that continues to reverberate in my mind.

You left a little of you there; a little bit of your skin and your tangled scent; a lingering moment that could never reach it's destiny. It's lost and incomplete and unless you touch it again, it'll continue to incomplete me because I shared it too in the same space and time. It felt as though I was transcending into a parallel universe where everything ceased to exist. Everything but you and me. But it ended before it began; like a letter unsent or a fantasy perturbed before it took flight from the figment of my imagination. Were you even real? Today, I breathe as though nothing ever happened, but the doors to that parallel universe appear and reappear irrespective of wherever you are because I am right here with your thoughts, where you left me last. 

You never touched my soul. You reached out to touch my skin but I guess you dipped your fingers in the spaces between my body and my soul; the spaces I never knew existed. Maybe it didn't and you unknowingly carved that space within me. Look carefully at your hands, you'll still see my glitter because when you touched me I had forsaken my ideals but I was glowing from inside. I felt so abstract and yet I was more myself than ever before.  

I want that moment back again, just to regain the loss of all thoughts; to regain the loss of my sanity; to regain the certainty that nothing else mattered. I want that blur back because while leaned against that wall, although I saw or heard nothing, every realm of my being acknowledged your presence pressed against my body with such heightened sensitivity that I had forgotten to breathe. And in that moment, I was reborn. You painted me with wild colors and framed me into a picturesque. You were an illusion but you were as close to reality as could be.

And so I want to run. While a part of me wants to run back to that blur, the other wants to run away from it, towards the bright light and disappear into the golden dust that dances in the faint afternoon rays.