Similar Banter

So quiet in the lone of dark
Wish I could tear this silence apart
Noises rattling my empty head
Vapours of my memories evaporating so fast


Familiar faces back in dead
Passing emotions barely read
Blasts of bizarre piercing my eyes
So more of many untraced, unsaid


Fading familiarity in trusting eyes
Folded arms where once I lay
Ambushed Cornered Self Betrayed
Where those were broken were also made


A moment once cherished yet lost in time
Limp emotions unjustified
Virtual truths and comforting lies
Unborn thoughts of those buried alive


And yet another day foregone
Lamenting about the day before
Contempt unvoiced for the day that’s after
Everyday‘s not a fight but a similar banter

Its a wonderful day. Wish I had my family around to celebrate it with.. or friends..or loved ones..

Happy Diwali Everybody!

May your loved ones always be around you and celebrate days like these together for years to come..

Latest updates:
DHOKLA got engaged!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I still can't believe it! It feels like just yesterday when I told him I am going to marry him (in front of his mum..lol )
I am so happie for him!! :o)

And as far as my exams are concerned .. I have sucessfully managed to screw all of them (with varying intensities ofcourse). I think I can write a book on it now. Screwing your exams- A new perspective or .. A million innovative ways of screwing your exams! Sigh.. M-i-s-e-r-y yeah!

Tomorrow is ERP and we got yesterday off for it. But guess what! I still haven't started studying! Ask me why?

Beeeeekozzz my daddy was here-- and I met him!!!!!!! It was so awesome.. to get out of this hell and be with him... I know I should have utilized this extra time to study but trust me not even a second was wasted.. I am not this bit guilty about it!

Actually I meet my dad almost every month but this time it was special. We chatted a loootttt.. and I enjoyed his company this time.. after a long long time. I think the the whole teenage effect is tarnishing now.. when you don't really listen to your parents and like to be left alone. Dad was a bit nostalgic this time. He was telling me how his dad moved to delhi and took care of a family of 6 while earning just 30 Rs per month. He was telling me about how he wants to go back and see their one tiny room - no kitchen no bathroom apartment in kailash nagar and meet his old buddy whom he never spoke to after school..He told me how he wants to show me the place they started from and introduce our family to his old friend. I was touched beyond words. Besides all these , there was a little something more that added joy to my one night stay over..

No, I am not talking about the away-from-college mess, amazing dinner and lunch..

My dad has taken up the old house ------ HOME ------ for rent again. Thats my home.. I/ "we" was/"were" staying there for almost one year and it was the bestest ever! Actually its my dad's office's guest house, always been. I shifted there after my klepto flatmate stole again. But after I got through this hell, my dad shifted to some dead suite apartment only meant for elderly citizens... which pretty much sucked for obvious reasons. The location of the suite apartment was rocking. Right in front of Adlabs, behind Lifestyle and Arcelia. But who cares! I wasn't even allowed there because I am not above 45 years. Like d-uh! I am not..

Now, that dad has shifted back to "our home".. I am out of the world happpiiee! Staying there brought back old memories.. especially of SOS. I missed his every movement, that still lingers there.. right where he left it! :o( ... I missed my friends.. "YoU" ... Tee..Twi and Duvidha-- Them gossiping and bitching over "Candies".. Viny and Dhavy (though they barely came home) .. Shradha(my cousin) and my gujju frnds Poo and Ron.. Miss those days!

But thats not the point! The point is that I am happie now.. even when I back.. I am wohoooo-ing and so not in the mood to study. But its 9 already and its an exam day tomorrow. Its only genuine for me to buzz off now ..

PS: Things are much better between me and Tango now. Tango is my roomie with whom I have had hell lot of trouble. But alpha (my other roomie) is having trouble with me and tango now. I hope these issues get resolved now. I am too over with and totally out of the delusion of making friends out here. I just want to spend two peaceful years and live my life happily with my happily ever after. Yes! I am talking about you SOS!

click clock...

click clock....

click clock.....

Five more hours and I am still not done!! I don't I'll ever be prepared for STATS..

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....

Exams start day after.. and they gave us no prep leave! I am so not prepared for this! Where do I start from-- Stats? OR? DA? OM? orrrrr.... sigh!!

Damn you ubbuS!

PS: I got placed!!! yaayyyyyyyyyyness!

I saw her light the lamp at eve,

The night had gotten just dark enough.
But the dancing winds quenched the fire,

For her spark lit eyes did all the work.

Tattered and tainted her soul so frail,

It was hard to track as it drifted away.
Her body so still with the grains intact,

Her movement left loose the sand of her clay.

And whoosh came the wind and blew the sand grains,

And that whoosh of wind caused her existence to fade.
The sand grains mixed with the autumn leaves,
Blew her right into the wind and onto my face.

They say she had grown beyond the crispy vines,
But in her laugh i had heard a million waterfalls.
I had seen her mix it with the silver moonlight,
Entice the night and dance with a billion stars .

I saw her last with the twirling flowers,
And heard her last in the echoes of sweet refrains.
The memories failed to keep her, that moment recedes us
To the life in the deserts of the village’s remains..

Same - Difference

It's funny how some people never seize to miss out on even one folly of others. What they donot realize is that there are many others who are no different, atleast in this matter. Its like a "common folly". Since everybody is born different, its only natural for them to not like a certain phases of other's personality. So, what do you do when you are surrounded by people who are so different from each other but start to act unusually identical when its time to fish... for follies?

I don't know.. But I would love to!

After coming here I have met a "few" self proclaimed regulation hardies. Unsurprisingly, I have also been accused of quite a few adjectives most of which were not positively enhancing. So, same logic yea.. a certain way in which I do things feels uncomfortable to "them" and "their" way of doing things is equally uncomfortable for me. At the end of the blame game, I decide to compromise for the fear of those pre-existent negative vibes making our room their permanent dwelling.

But these series of compromises is get to me now. I mean being accused of being a certain way is despicable! Twenty two years of my life I have done myself proud for being the way I am but suddenly my prides feel like my follies. Maybe my approach to fighting these juggernauts was wrong but there was no dark side to my intentions. I am pretty lost on how to deal with these things now. I guess I could use some help..

So, SOS is currently back in his hometown. Enjoying and here I am blogging about him. I hate it when he goes back you know! He gets so busy with his family affairs that we barely find time to talk. And that sucks! I miss those old times you know, when we were always together. I wish I had a few days off from this heinous campus and he could come down from wherever. I have been living in this city fr about 4 yrs now but since I have joined college, it doesn’t feel the same.

When SOS was here during Swine Holidays this place felt so different. It felt as if we were back into our grad school! Even though we could stay here for only 2-3 days, those 2-3 days were the best I had had in the last 6 months! We didn’t really go out much but that barely made a difference. And oh! Oh! We got free dominoes pizza.. It happens almost all the time we are together, you know! But ofcourse we wouldn’t be able to have any of the fun if my miss special – Poo , wouldn’t come to save the day! Even though he had planned to see me on my birthday a long time back, we didn’t really have a place where we could both stay. It was after I was turned down by a million friends, friend’s friends and acquaintances that I called up Poo. And she solved our problem in just a heartbeat! (for those who do not know, Poo is my non-klepto ex-rommie, who happens to be one of my really good friend now)

What eventually happened was our parents got worried and wanted us out of there ASAP. So, I chose to visit my aunt whom I hadn’t visited for about 7 years, the reason being his hometown was only 2 hrs away . That didn’t really make a different when we were there. We met just once but the good part was I finally met his sister! She is the cutest ever! We went to an amusement park where I almost puked on her, and hit what is probably the only mall in that city! The rides were awesome and even though his sis was much younger , she has an a-m-a-z-i-n-g fashion sense and was fun to talk to.. Though the city wasn't the best place to be but I had a fab time with both of them!!

I wish all that could come back. I don’t know when I am seeing him next but I hope its real soon! Besides that, two of my really close frnds have become chacha – Sauby and “YoU”. It was greaaaat talking to them after so long. I hope I get to see them real soon!

And did I mention I got placed for my summer internship that is due somewhere next year , around April- May. I am so excited! It’s a hardcore sales job and I hope I do good and get a great PPO. That’s another thing on my mind these days. I don’t know whether to continue in India or go back where my family is. SOS is my major concern here. The truth is that I don’t want to settle here and if I don’t go now, I’ll be hurting my career in a way. Another truth is that if I go, I won’t be back for another three years at least. The possibilities of SOS coming there are almost zero. So, I don’t really know what to do. I wish there was a way out. I am just not thinking about it now but I know sooner or later I’ll have to.

If only life was that simple!

I just want you to know that whatever happens,wherever I am I'll always love you. Irrespective of whether you are beside me physically or not, you'll always dwell inside me..

When I close my eyes and think about the goodies in my life so far, I can think of only you and me. The black and white flashback subsides and I can see a colourful video play in front of my closed eyes. The memories reflash me with the moments when you had held my hand and taken me through the beautiful green paths.. Your hand in mine was the only affirmation I had and I believed in you blindly. There were autumn blues and I could hear the yellow-orangeness crunch below our feet while we walked together but with you beside me I never felt the need to look away from your glare. You walked me through without the fear of those narrow lanes that lay ahead and lifted me in your arms when there was place for only one of us to walk.

And now that you have put me down and left my hand I am scared. I am scared for all the "what ifs". You mean the world to me and if I were a painter asked to draw love I would have drawn you. If I were a philosopher, I would redefine love and passion because they are not the greatest feelings in this world. The greatest feeling in this world is you. If I were a poet, I would be the greatest poet ever. Who wouldn't be if he had an insipiration as strong as you?

I want this is to live forever. I want us to be forever. But I am scared. I am scared that the blanket of the dark night sky is going to engulf us and it'll not bring along those stars it promised us. Neither the moonlight or the comforting breeze. I am not scared of getting lost inside, I am just scared of getting lost alone. I know you are my reflection and I am yours. I hope there are enough mirrors inside for us to find us. And we manage to find even one of us, we'll know we have found each other. And nothing else matters henceforth..

I more than love you..

Yours only

Everything is going so wrong. Nothing feels right.
I am feeling so lost, so weak to take a fight.
I am looking for the darkness, a corner to safely hide.
A nook to bury myself away - from the realities of life.
Is there a pool where I can drown my disappointments without drowning inside?
Or a place where my existence does not guard me so tight?
A pace at which my shadow cannot catch me;
Or where I can lose my reflection in the brightness of the white light?
Tell me of the land where the light that lies within me casts no dark shadows outside.
Guide me to golden grains of wisdom that do not slip away like time...
Lead me to that blessed land where the light within me does not havens the shadows inside.